When
our children were little, Don and I listened to some pretty wise parents about
how they disciplined or discipled their children. They were all different, but they all had a
recurring theme: they were consistent,
they followed the same process each time the children were disciplined, and
they sought full relationship restoration. This resonated with me, because I
prefer organization and consistency. If I could do organized spankings for
willful disobedience, I would be able to break a chain of weird, disorganized
beatings that you never knew were coming.
Since Don was in law school, I took it upon myself to write up a 10 step
process when David entered the willful disobedience years and we posted it in
our bathroom. Some of the steps would
include making the child understand what they did wrong, acknowledging that
they needed to be corrected, praying to God and asking for forgiveness and
finally seeking full reconciliation with us.
We figured we were trying to model what God wants of his children, so
every swat on the behind ended with hugs and kisses. When they introduced 1 John 1:9 in AWANA,
David announced, “Hey, that’s our spanking verse!” That piece of paper hung in
our bathroom in 4 homes until we ended that phase of discipline with our 5
children.
Why
do we discipline our children? For the
ultimate goal. 2 Timothy 1:2-14 is all about parenting towards the ultimate
goal. I know it was Paul who wrote it to
Timothy, but as you read it, think about how you relate to your children. See
how Paul shows his
affection to Timothy, how he encourages
Timothy, how he confirms
his growth, and finally, how he directs him.
2 Timothy 1:2 – 14 says:
To Timothy, my beloved son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus
our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you
in my prayers night and day, longing to see you, even as I recall your tears,
so that I may be filled with joy. For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you,
which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am
sure that it is in you as well. For
this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in
you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and
love and discipline. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of
me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power
of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works,
but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished
death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a
preacher and an apostle and a teacher. For this reason I also suffer
these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am
convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted
to Him until that day. Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me,
in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy
Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been
entrusted to you.
After the spanking phase of parenting, in the
early elementary years, we still had the same goals: 1. making the child understand what they did wrong;
2. acknowledging that they needed to be corrected; 3. praying to God and asking
for forgiveness; 4.finally seeking full restoration of fellowship with us. It just became trickier as they grew older
and became more sophisticated in their sin. What is even worse, is that we are
sinner parents, and it was easy to get caught up in the spiritual warfare. Junior High years were real tough ones and we
determined that satan didn’t want us raising godly, young men and women, who
would someday lead their own families to honor God. I ended up spending a lot
of time on my knees and it was a relief when I saw each one of them grab onto
their own faith and hold onto it. They
had all independently prayed to receive Christ as their Savior at the ages of
3, 4 and 5 – Priscilla being the youngest and Philip being the oldest, but it
was at the ages of 13, 14 and 15 where they finally established their own quiet
times, and cemented their own relationship ships with God. David was the earliest and Priscilla was the
latest.
We launch Andrew, number 5, to college in
the fall. Our goal for him is that when he gets to LMU in the fall he will be like
Timothy and be ready to apply 2 Timothy 1:13 – 14 and Retain the standard of sound
words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are
in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us,
the treasure which has been entrusted to you.
But, as I have now spent almost 30 years of
parenting and going through this discipline process of waiting for changed
hearts, I search my own heart and I know that God feels the same way: Marie, just acknowledge your sin, ask for
forgiveness and be reconciled to me!
As I close, I just want to encourage you in
the fact that we are all sinners: as parents, as children, as a church, as a
school. I’m surprised we get anything
done at all! Pray for your children, pray for your spouse, and pray for your
children as they learn to get fully right with God.
