Discipleship for the Long Haul

When our children were little, Don and I listened to some pretty wise parents about how they disciplined or discipled their children.  They were all different, but they all had a recurring theme:  they were consistent, they followed the same process each time the children were disciplined, and they sought full relationship restoration. This resonated with me, because I prefer organization and consistency. If I could do organized spankings for willful disobedience, I would be able to break a chain of weird, disorganized beatings that you never knew were coming.  Since Don was in law school, I took it upon myself to write up a 10 step process when David entered the willful disobedience years and we posted it in our bathroom.  Some of the steps would include making the child understand what they did wrong, acknowledging that they needed to be corrected, praying to God and asking for forgiveness and finally seeking full reconciliation with us.  We figured we were trying to model what God wants of his children, so every swat on the behind ended with hugs and kisses.  When they introduced 1 John 1:9 in AWANA, David announced, “Hey, that’s our spanking verse!” That piece of paper hung in our bathroom in 4 homes until we ended that phase of discipline with our 5 children.

Why do we discipline our children?  For the ultimate goal.  2 Timothy 1:2-14  is all about parenting towards the ultimate goal.  I know it was Paul who wrote it to Timothy, but as you read it, think about how you relate to your children. See how Paul shows his affection to Timothy, how he encourages Timothy, how he confirms his growth, and finally, how he directs him. 

2 Timothy 1:2 – 14 says:

To Timothy, my beloved son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.  I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day,  longing to see you, even as I recall your tears, so that I may be filled with joy. For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well. For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God,  who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and an apostle and a teacher. For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you.

After the spanking phase of parenting, in the early elementary years, we still had the same goals:  1. making the child understand what they did wrong; 2. acknowledging that they needed to be corrected; 3. praying to God and asking for forgiveness; 4.finally seeking full restoration of fellowship with us.  It just became trickier as they grew older and became more sophisticated in their sin. What is even worse, is that we are sinner parents, and it was easy to get caught up in the spiritual warfare.  Junior High years were real tough ones and we determined that satan didn’t want us raising godly, young men and women, who would someday lead their own families to honor God. I ended up spending a lot of time on my knees and it was a relief when I saw each one of them grab onto their own faith and hold onto it.  They had all independently prayed to receive Christ as their Savior at the ages of 3, 4 and 5 – Priscilla being the youngest and Philip being the oldest, but it was at the ages of 13, 14 and 15 where they finally established their own quiet times, and cemented their own relationship ships with God.  David was the earliest and Priscilla was the latest.

We launch Andrew, number 5, to college in the fall. Our goal for him is that when he gets to LMU in the fall he will be like Timothy and be ready to apply 2 Timothy 1:13 – 14 and Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you.

But, as I have now spent almost 30 years of parenting and going through this discipline process of waiting for changed hearts, I search my own heart and I know that God feels the same way:  Marie, just acknowledge your sin, ask for forgiveness and be reconciled to me!  

As I close, I just want to encourage you in the fact that we are all sinners: as parents, as children, as a church, as a school.  I’m surprised we get anything done at all! Pray for your children, pray for your spouse, and pray for your children as they learn to get fully right with God.

My Final Word about ... (not really my Final Word!)

I said good-bye to what had been my life for the last 25 years, and before I left I wrote this encouragement to the moms still in our homeschool group. I don't think this will be my final word on this blog or this subject because now I'll have lots of time to write! But now, I'll try to figure out which subjects I'll want to write about for your entertainment.

If you have the opportunity, look this up on YouTube, and listen to it as you read the words:

Find Us Faithful

by Steve Green

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

How can we be found faithful? 

1.       Do what is good! Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

2.       Be Just! Proverbs 21:15  

3.       Be Kind! Proverbs 3:3  

4.       Walk humbly with God. James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

If we do these things for others, how much more should we do these for our children? I want to impress on you as I go, that academic excellence is NOTHING without godly character.  Make sure godly character is the priority in your home. Do whatever it takes to ensure that your children are seeing godly character modeled in your home, all day, every day. And that is my final word.

What I Wish I Knew in 1991

In September of 1991, my Kindergartner and I watched through the front window as the school bus pulled up in front of our house to pick up the neighborhood kids.  In the crowd were two of his buddies that he had spent long summer days with, playing in the sand and riding bikes along the sidewalk in between our houses.  Both of those little guys were in tears as they kissed their moms and bravely got on the bus.  My David looked at me wide eyed and asked, “Where are they going?” I answered, “They’re going to school.”  “What do they do in school?” David asked.  “They learn to read and do math. Do you want to learn to read and do math? I want to teach you to read and do math here at home.  Are  you ready for that?” “Yes, mommy, I want to learn to read and do math and not get on that school bus,” David stated.  I got on the phone (this is before the World Wide Web) and ordered the Kindergarten curriculum from the post card I picked up at one of the first CHEA conventions.  I only had 3 options, and this was the one Don thought I should use. And through the years, we learned a lot more than just reading and math.

In 1991 I wish I knew that responsibility needs to be taught, not just talked about. I remember sitting in my kitchen, with my little lefty asking me, “How do I tie my shoes?” It was one of those major moments where I realized that since I wasn’t going to send him to school, I was going to have to teach him EVERYTHING! And it wasn’t limited to tying shoes.  I had to teach him how to tell time!  Is that in the curriculum? What about sorting laundry? Is there a curriculum for that?

In 1991 I wish I knew that comparing ourselves to others was a fruitless endeavor. David was a kinesthetic learner who needed to rub his antlers against my chairs in order to learn the “e” sound in “elk”, whereas the little girl in his Sunday School class could easily learn the phonics sounds by reading them.

In 1991 I wish I knew right away what it meant to be “set apart”. We were homeschooling.  We were set apart alright.  Set apart from the neighbors, set apart from the people at church, set apart from our family. I wish I had had a more gracious answer as to why we were homeschooling  in those days.

In 1991 I wish I had known that God was going to give me 4 of 5 Science minded students – no, wait! Scratch that!  I’m glad I didn’t know! I might not have persevered.

In 1991 I wish I had known to relish the journey and that it would be a lot of fun. Some days the laundry was piled high, the dishes were still out from the night before and there were toys all over the place.  But, there were little ones who wanted stories and songs and projects and hugs and kisses.  You know what?  The laundry is still piled high, and the dishes are still out from the night before, but there are no little children to distract us from the mundane duties.  Nope, instead of reading bedtime stories, we do the dishes.

In 1991 I wish I had known that we were establishing lifetime patterns in our children.  We learned that discipleship is forever, and I can only hope and pray that those lifetime patterns we established in our children will be furthering the kingdom of God and that even our grandchildren will be beneficiaries.